Weekend at Nippert's

This blog is cruelly being kept alive to serve as an online portfolio of the work of Matt Nippert. To sample fruit fallen from Nippert's tree, click here.

Otherwise, move along. There's nothing to see here.

Stress-testing a new voice

Shut up and listen, an old man is talking
By Matt Nippert
(Published in Salient, July 10, 2006.)

Twelve dollars a jug. Normally I have a rule against using the vulgar exclamation point, but twelve dollars a jug!?! A weary traveler, a weathered battler, I returned to my alma mater and the institution formerly known as Eastside to discover campus-wide inflation has been running at Zimbabwean levels. Twelve dollars a jug? This will not stand!

Fellow students, although I am now old and clean-shaven and get up before noon, I know the path to a better future and a cheaper beverage. Follow me as I take Victoria back to when the grass was greener, the colours more vibrant (although not wide-screened), and beer was only four dollars a jug. Four dollars a jug! That time was my first year, the glorious 1998.

So who's with me? I'll take your apathetic stares and slovenly inaction as agreement. Quit with the texting, unplug those iPods and shut up and listen: Because an old man is talking.

This was a simpler time. Women wore frilly petticoats atop wide-leg jeans, while men wore a random assortment of op-shop rags and called it “grunge”. We strung onions on our belts, as was the style at the time.

France was storming through the Soccer World Cup, and the All Blacks lost five in a row. New Zealand had a National government. Remember those? Protests over education funding cuts were practically street battles. Honest, grunge-and-petticoat-wearing students, marched by the thousand, matched against policemen unencumbered by political correctness who wore riot gear and made arrests by the dozen.

This was good, honest war between the academy and the government – nothing like the current political insurgency where both friend and enemy wear Labour red. (Just to be sure, I say we shoot 'em all.)

Effigies of Education Minister Wyatt Creech burned brightly up and down the country. A notorious Craccum cover had Creech's face in a sniper's crosshairs with the coverline “This asshole needs to be wiped.” Today? Steve Maharey, and the more recent Minister Michael Cullen, have flame-retarded their Teflon coats would undoubtedly press sedition charges over something similar. Killjoys.

I recall movie theaters offering a great two-for-one date combo to see Saving Private Ryan and Shakespeare in Love. Tickets costs less than ten dollars.

International politics was then interesting without being frightening. The American President was an object of ridicule, but only for rabidly pursuing women, not hydrocarbons. (Bill Clinton also bombed Iraq, but only a little bit.) The cities most likely to face nuclear annihilation were Delhi and Islamabad.

Where you were when Geri Halliwell broke up the Spice Girls?

Hear this hacking cough? That's the sound of freedom. The freedom to smoke in all places and at all times. In 1998, only California had moved to ban this pungent habit, and so I smoked like a tyre-yard beside a reform house for young arsonists. Right up until this year's lung hemorrhage. Those were the days.

Do they still smoke pot in the cemetery?

Student fees had just recently cracked four figures. VUWSA was frightfully dreary, and no one voted in elections. The deck of the bar formerly known as Eastside had yet to be built (the coming smoking ban was mooted as a reason to begin construction).

The jugs cost four dollars each - have I mentioned this already? - four-fifty if you wanted Monteiths. I drank like a dehydrated fish, even while writing columns like this. Drank right until my kidneys packed up. Those were the days.

Every year, without fail, Salient was accused of being boring. So I signed up for a year. We compared Helen Clark (unfavourably) to Muldoon before National became fashionable. The ninth floor wrote us a strongly worded letter. We almost won a Qantas Media Award but lost out to a nappy magazine called Little Treasures. We ran an issue with the sole cover feature being a large word in red type: “cunt”.

People said we were "too political" and, therefore, boring.

Oi! You! Don't walk away, I haven't finished! One day you'll be as old as me, 26 and on a sickness benefit, and fall victim to the same nostalgic reminiscing. For these are the golden years, and only senility will dull their lustre. That, and too many four-dollar jugs.

What? They're now twelve dollars!? Pain in my chest! Where's my pills!?! Can't find my damned medication bottles with these new-fangled eyeglasses...

Politics as comedy

Why not to not give a shit
By Matt Nippert
(originally published Salient, October 2003)

A lackluster public can provide appetising opportunities. Many years ago now I got involved in party politics for the first and last time. It was part of an experiment into how desperate and corruptible the National Party was. The Rimutaka electorate was ripe for the picking, recently being overrun by New Zealand First and all present party officers well into their retirement years. A vast influx of youngsters would surely convince them all to retire early to fully enjoy their privately paid pensions.

It was easy to begin with, a simple election where showing any interest whatsoever was enough to guarantee victory. Overnight, I became the blue-blooded Treasurer and Policy Officer for a party for which I had no sympathy and even less respect. Too easy, I found. We changed the constitution, and my flatmates and I were able to reach quorum whenever the mood took us. We had sloshed funds.

Many nights were enjoyed at the expense of Shipley and Birch. Membership request forms went unanswered, party membership dropping from hundreds to 50 within one year. Cheques weren't cashed, and my end-of-year financial report was sparse to say the least, dodgy to say the best. Of course it passed scrutiny: my flatmates weren't concerned with my irregularities. We had all gotten drunk on our criminality.

We didn't care about the aims of our supposed leaders. We delighted in contradicting them. Attending conferences became an excuse for getting wasted and feigning respectability, arguing republicanism beneath portraits of Queen Elizabeth in Masonic halls.

But we never were looked down on. Despite subtle insults, a lack of respect for our supposed constituents, and often absolutely outrageous comments (I remarked that Shipley's Code of Social and Family Responsibility was "prescriptive fascism on stilts"), we were never held accountable. Indeed, I was often praised for my commitment to alternative and colourful views, and my passion was attributed to youthful zest. Despite our incredulous agenda, the virtue of our positions meant we had credibility. Faith without foundation is a powerful agent of hallucination.

National politics weren't even beyond our reach. "Our" candidate for the electorate was the most evil man available . He was a former policeman, and a baton-instructor to boot. The Springbok Tour was his proving ground, and his view on race relations and social harmony were a product of his profession. In Upper Hutt, he passed muster, but only barely. The votes of my subversive flatmates ensured baton-man got the nod.

I don't know what I'd have done if our kamikaze candidate succeeded. I'd probably have got a job as parliamentary secretary, but that's an aside, and our best-laid plans came to fruition. He lost heavily, and Rimutaka has been a Swain lock since.

My career as a political saboteur, a sapper beneath enemy lines, came to a natural end. A combination of boredom and a lowered tolerance for conversational pain led me not to renew my membership after only one damaging term. But if real power had been involved, beyond that of frustration and petty machinations, I could have moved beyond being merely tipsy, to being fully drunk.

Until last Thursday this story had been one of celebrating my role in National's misfortunes. While I cannot claim sole responsibility, the paltry performance of Bill English is something I am personally gratified by. However, it also illustrates that when the public, any public, loses interest in who its leaders are and what they stand for, the public's opinions matter for nought. Because a representative unobserved is almost always a representative moving in directions you wouldn't envisage or condone.

Student elections have not had notable participation in recent years. Reasons for this are myriad. Students are busy, there's less time for communal communication and activities. Candidates are boring. Student politics doesn't matter.

But it is when politics seems not to matter, that it really does. When eyes and interest are removed from decision-makers, the decisions made become more removed and odious to those they directly affect. I'll go out on a limb here, and suggest that my experience with the Rimutaka is a humorous anecdote, but only to those outside the National Party. If we could imagine for a moment that we were all members of the Tory brigade, then suddenly the joke is decidedly unfunny. There's no giggling, only lamenting. By the time you realise those around you are laughing, you've long been the butt of the joke.

Despite the fact Victoria's enrolments are the highest they have ever been, the number of people turning out to vote in the VUWSA elections actually decreased this year. We're getting dangerously close to indulging in black comedy, and students won't be the ones laughing at the tragedy - the chuckles will be coming from outside the university. We'll have finally become the sad parody critics have called us: apathetic, delusional, blind while led by real nutcases.

I don't regret gutting the National Party in Rimutaka, far from it, but I am disturbed about how easy it was to corrupt a supposedly democratic process. While I got a decent story to tell, if you leave decisions up to a few the only likely outcome is a tyranny of the minority. Benevolent dictators are few and far between, and amongst opportunists even more rare.

So if you want a moral from all this;
1) Don't join the National Party, even if only to destroy it, and;
2) Pay attention to the world surrounding you, so clowns like me don't play with your future for a few cheap laughs.

A block of writing, or; writer's block

Some people write to get read, others write to get paid. Below are links to pretty much everything I've had published in the last couple of years - as well as relics from my blogging days. The observant among you may note an inverse correlation between paid and unpaid work over time.

Freelance 2009-

Things I've Been Silent About Book review of Azar Nafisi's memoir about growing up in Iran. March 28, 2009, Canvas.
The Honorary Console They can get you fit, help you lose weight, make you reach and teach you problem-solving skills. So why is everyone down on video games? March 15, 2009, Sunday [not online].
All in the Mind Book review of Alastair Cambell's novel about depressives. February 28, 2009, Canvas.
Field Punishment No.1 Book review of David Grant's analytic biography of WW1 conscientious objectors Mark Briggs and Archibald Baxter. February 7, 2009, Canvas.
Grave Concerns He deals daily with the hard reality of death, but much of Inga Tuigamala's life has been about seeing dreams come true. February 1, 2009, Sunday [not online].

The Listener Years 2004-8 Alas poor magazine of record, I knew it well

TheirSpace Letting students use their own technology in the classroom can bring big benefits – the hard part can be in overcoming the resistance to change. February 7, 2009, New Zealand Listener.
On the smell of an oily rag With the next EnergyWise rally about to take place, here are the tricks for getting from A to B using as little fuel as possible. November 22, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Little ripper Is pirating designer fashion really all that bad? November 1, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Who needs to know? Cover Story Is learning under threat from the morass of information masquerading as fact. October 25, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Theory of creativity Well-respected astrophysicist and now successful novelist, Alan Lightman is helping bridge the chasm between science and the public. October 18, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Escape from 'Alcatraz' What really happened to boys sent to a boot camp on a remote island? September 20, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Eye on Iran Big-issue politics may be off the menu, but not national and personal identity in a photography exhibition touring the country. September 13, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Superstitious minds Kiwi Olympians are considered lucky to have ended up in tower block 8 in the village. Do superstitions still count? August 2, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Geoff Bryan Upfront interview with long-time TVNZ sports presenter. August 2, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Violent femmes Increasing numbers of New Zealand women are turning to violent crime – and doing the time. July 26, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Lenny Henry Upfront interview with British comedian and supergroup frontman. July 19, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Pera Bagust Upfront interview with host of What's Really in Our Food? June 21, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Talk this way Should working journalists be taking payment to act as media trainers?. June 14, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
The Death of Funerals New Zealanders are personalising death, embracing celebrants and shedding the casket-and-burial rituals of our forebears. May 24, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Craig Strathern Upfront interview with Red Cross worker in Yangon, Burma. May 24, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Alan Barber Upfront interview with Auckland neurologist. March 22, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
TV Films The great and grotesque movies on the television. March 1, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Margaret Boden Upfront interview with cognitive scientist and academic Chomsky-foil. March 1, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
TV Films The best flicks on the box this week. February 23, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
States of Play Lecturer and self-professed "political junkie" Jon Johansson gives his views on the race to the White House. February 16, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
The Last Cyclo in Saigon A proposal to tame Ho Chi Minh City’s unruly traffic has proved highly contentious. February 9, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Chris Hocquard Upfront interview with entertainment lawyer. February 9, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
TV Films The best films of the week on television. February 9, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Texan Noir Film Review of the Coen brother's No Country for Old Men. February 2, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
The 2008 How To Guide Cover Story on how to achieve everything from surfing the internet to becoming a cult American television fixture. Includes a comprehensive list of useful sites on the world wide web. January 12, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
Nicola Legat Upfront interview with noted New Zealand publisher and former magazine editor. January 12, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
The man who went to see Tolstoy The extraordinary story of the Auckland minister’s son who became the world’s most prolific linguist – and an eyewitness of the Russian Revolution. January 5, 2008, New Zealand Listener.
TV Films The best of the week's films on the television. December 29, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Shane Bond Upfront interview with the consistently brilliant and consistently injured Black Cap fast-bowler. December 15, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
TV films Bite-sized reviews of the flicks on the box. December 8, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Moana Jackson Upfront interview with lawyer, activist and spokesperson for the legal team defending the “Urewera 16”. November 24, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
TV films The best of the week on the box. November 16, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
O, Zimbabwe The end is coming for Robert Mugabe. November 3, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Perfectly Frank Veteran actor Frank Whitten has found fame and Outrageous Fortune. October 27, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Adrian Orr Upfront interview with head of the New Zealand Superannuation Fund. October 27, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Ant Timpson Upfront interview with film nut and executive producer of The Devil Dared Me To. October 13, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Eureka! Cover Story The past century has seen massive increases in IQ test scores. Professor James Flynn, discoverer of this “Flynn effect”, has endeavoured to solve the puzzle of why we’re getting smarter. Now he offers a new picture of human intelligence that is both surprising and illuminating. October 6, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Shock Tactics Nobel Prize-winning economist Milton Friedman’s “catastrophic” doctrines have harmed millions, says Canadian activist Naomi Klein in her new book The Shock Doctrine: Disaster Capitalism. September 29, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Frans Johansson Upfront interview with author of The Medici Effect. September 22, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Desperate in Darfur Civil war is killing western Sudan. Can’t we play more than a token role? September 15, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
What happens when the oil stops coming? Cover Story Global demand for oil is expected to outstrip supply within five years. And that is going to hit us all where we live – literally. September 8, 2007, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Denis Welch.)
Anton Oliver Upfront interview with All Black. September 8, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
A Tsar is born How a boy from Taranaki found Russian gold. August 11, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Life with Brian A talking baby and a martini-drinking mutt? It can only be the occasionally inspired Family Guy. July 28, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Dyer predictions The last western soldier will leave Iraq late next year, predicts Gwynne Dyer, leaving behind carnage, division and dislocation. July 14, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
A good return Government agencies investing more than $27 billion of public money are required to "avoid prejudice to New Zealand's reputation as a responsible member of the world community". How are they doing? June 30, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Mob rules Undercover as Donnie Brasco, FBI agent Joe Pistone was willing to go along with murder to crack the Mafia. June 23, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Great balls of fur When two cats go to war, where's the United Nations? June 23, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Shane Cameron Upfront interview with heavyweight boxer. June 23, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Mild colonial boy Drug abuse, intrigue, gossip and infidelity: actor and diarist Richard E Grant thinks that 1960s Swaziland was the ideal warm-up for Hollywood. May 26, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Crash course Teenagers exposed to horrific tragedies like the Christchurch hit-and-run may not react as adults do. An American trauma expert shares his insights into their feelings. May 26, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Outrageous Fortune Given that many of us fudge our resumes to get ahead, is CV cheating really so risky? May 12, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Dai Henwood Upfront interview with comedian. May 5 2007, New Zealand Listener.
The Price of Prodigy Cover Story Being labeled "gifted" child is a mixed blessing and the transition to adulthood can be rocky. April 21, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Ross Taylor Upfront interview with Black Cap batsman. March 17, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
High Stakes There's more then one way for a country to handle the ethical investment of taxpayer's funds. March 10, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Domestic Drama Jennifer Ward-Lealand and Michael Hurst - theatre's First Couple. March 3, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Fright or Fright? Calls to curb international travel could have dire consequences for our second-largest foreign-exchange earner. March 3, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Mark Jennings Upfront interview with TV3's news supremo. February 24, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Dirty Dollars The tax money collected for your retirement is being used by fund managers, acting on behalf of the government, to profit from the war in Iraq, nuclear-weapon production and the building of the Guantanamo Bay prison. February 17, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
What's up, Doc? TV Review: Dr Gregory House kicks the drugs and takes up running? Pull the other one. February 10, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
Coming to the party Will criminalising party pills only push people into harder drugs like P? February 3, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
No sharks, no chefs From Pop Mechanix to the Documentary Channel, Richard Driver’s there with bells on. January 27, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
The eye on the storm Geoff Mackley chases nature’s worst across the globe to get his remarkable footage. January 20, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
TV films Bite-sized reviews of flicks on the box. January 20, 2007, New Zealand Listener
Up with the new As newspapers cut back and all media on the internet look the same, technology races on. January 13, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
The whole world watches TV Review Visit YouTube and discover instant classics in the vast new world of online video. January 13, 2007, New Zealand Listener.
The You Can Do Guide Cover Story Never been sure of the best way to cook a steak? Or how to ask for a date? Or even do absolutely nothing? Relax, we’ve got it covered. We’ve asked more than 30 experts, amateur and professional, to come up with their best advice on how to do ... just about anything if you put your mind to it. January 6, 2007, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Amanda Spratt.)
TV films The flicks on the box. December 30, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
TV films More flicks on the box. December 23, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Make me a kidney To better understand kidneys, a transplant recipient is building one on his computer. December 16, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Seeds of unease Invasion of privacy or public interest? Nicky Hager has no doubts. December 16, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Driven to distraction Hot weather can bring out the worst in drivers. So, if you want to avoid road-rage incidents these holidays, let common sense prevail. December 16, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
The life changers Mentoring programmes aim to catch young people before they go completely off the rails. November 18, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Wallace Chapman Upfront interview with broadcaster and one-time medical media martyr. November 18, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Marching up hamburger hill The American fast food industry now has global reach, but is also under attack as an evil empire. October 28, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
State of Play Are video games really so addictive that they are turning kids, especially boys, into brain-dead bores by playing with their minds – or do they, as researchers suggest, have a positive effect? October 21, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
How to save the world Celebrated scientist and bestselling author Jared Diamond turns his attention to the collapse of civilisation. October 21, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Howard's end-game Book Review of Andrew McGahan's political satire Underground. October 14, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Brain food Cover Story It’s been shown that, for adults, the right foods can ensure that our brains perform at peak efficiency; for children, diet can have lifelong effects. October 7, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
That clinched it Ian Wishart explains why he saw fit to publish those pictures of the Prime Minister's husband. September 30, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Ant Sang Upfront interview with cartoonist and bro'Town designer Ant Sang. September 23, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Lights, camera, reaction Shortland Street’s production company goes green. September 16, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Terence White Upfront interview with kiwi war correspondent. September 9, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Eyes off the bomb September 11 may have made it easier for terrorists to go nuclear. September 9, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Speak Mandarin? A Chinese website offers an insight into the lives of international students. September 2, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Bidding war A teenage entrepreneur has dreamt up an online tool that will give Trade Me bidders the edge – if Trade Me will let him. August 19, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Hope like hell Restoring peace between Israel and Lebanon is not impossible. Just insanely difficult. August 12, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Capping it off Column For a would-be university graduate, a hospital gown is a poor substitute for the real thing. July 15, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
All class Film Review: The Aristocrats. May 20, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Bearing witness A Central Asian journalist exiled in New York sheds light on a little-publicised massacre in Uzbekistan. May 13, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
On the outer Why Americans are slipping in the worldwide popularity polls. May 6, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Courage under fire Being accepted for training at the elite US military academy of West Point means a cheap university education for teenagers from poor families. It also means a likely posting to fight in Iraq – and the chance of being killed. April 8, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Lies, damn lies & dodgy dealings The US journalist who lifted the lid on Enron is modest - and not only over the success of the Oscar-nominated documentary based on her book, The Smartest Guys in the Room, now screening in New Zealand. March 4, 2006, New Zealand Listener.
Veteran of the Middle East Dinner with Robert Fisk. December 10, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Pickup tricks Don Juan in New York. October 29, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Stings like a slug Chrisopher Hitchens meets his match. October 1, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
It's vital we open secrets to keep everyone honest Op-ed on the use of injuctions by Universities to suppress student press. October 6, 2005, New Zealand Herald.
First I take Manhattan Column: Steel-capped combat boots are not practical in a New York heatwave. September 24, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Black gold For miners, the Raglan seafloor is a new frontier, but locals are worried that there are no regulations in place to mitigate environmental impacts. September 10, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Drug money Are celebrities' coke habits funding al-Qaeda or organised crime? August 6, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Hunt the terrorist In the cat-and-mouse game of counter-terrorism, progress is being made. July 23, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
League of gentlemen Exiled Zimbabwean cricketer Henry Olonga appeals to the Black Caps and the International Cricket Council. July 16, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Off the sidelines Never mind the Lions, who's winning the clash of the rugby commentators? July 2, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Bomber Upfront interview with Martyn Bradbury June 25, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Shore thing Musicians mark the anniversary of the 1985 sinking of Greenpeace's Rainbow Warrior in Auckland Harbour by re-recording a Kiwi classic. June 25, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Born bad? Cover Story Are the most hated criminals simply evil or can they be rehabilitated? May 21, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Te Radar Upfront interview with comedian. Piss taken. May 14, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Take it in TV Review The diary of a late-night channel-surfing insomniac. May 7, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Zimbabwe boycott? Cancellation of the cricket tour would be seen as a real slap in the face for President Mugabe. April 30, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Democracy run out Cricket boss Martin Snedden makes a call on the Black Caps' tour to Zimbabwe. April 16, 2005 New Zealand Listener.
Levitating the Pentagon Book Review: The Men Who Stare at Goats, by Jon Ronson. April 2, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Dr Claudia Orange Upfront interview with Treaty expert and Te Papa's history director. March 12, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
It's a family affair Nepotism has far more practitioners than defenders. March 5, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Preschool excellence Sidebar on the cutting edge of early childhood education. February 19, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Polls apart State-of-the-nation speeches by the Green and Act leaders neatly illustrated the philosophical chasm between the two minority parties. January 29, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
A hitch in time Column on the joys of sticking ones thumb in it. January 29, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
The golden generation Cover Story: With opportunities aplenty, today's bright young things expect to be rewarded, and they want it now. January 22, 2005, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Nick Smith)
Dizzy heights "Popera" poppet Yulia Townsend's career is taking off so fast that she hasn't had a chance to make any resolutions. January 18, 2005, New Zealand Listener.
Picking porkies Ah, Christmas. Everyone loves their gifts, welcomes relatives with warm, open arms, and wishes goodwill to all humankind. Can you spot the lies? December 18, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
The power list The 50 most powerful people in New Zealand revealed. December 11, 2004, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Tim Watkin and Nick Smith)
Hitting home Cover Story on the likely effects of climate change on New Zealand for the next generation. December 4, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Chris Butcher Upfront interview with Halo 2 lead engineer and Kurow wizz-kid. December 4, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Hello trees, hello mountains Profile of Monty Python funnyman Michael Palin. November 27, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Pieces of green Book Review and interview with Greenpeace co-founder Rex Weyler on his book An Insider's Account. November 20, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Kings of the hill Mavericks in newsrooms, from Hiroshima to Auckland, break stories and budgets. Interview with John Pilger about his book, Tell Me No Lies, and investigative journalism in New Zealand. November 20, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Dodging Bush Column on granting Americans political asylum so that they can escape theirs. November 20, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Nothing in the tank As oil prices climb, New Zealand discovers scandalously low reserves. October 30, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Clio Cresswell Upfront interview with Australian professor on her book Mathematics and Sex. October 9, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
The Simpsons of the south pacific The hopes for and prospects of upcoming Pacific animated sitcom bro'Town. September 25, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Neither war nor peace After the Beslan massacre, what are the chances for Chechen independence? September 18, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Back to Room 101 Book Review and interview with Stasiland author Anna Funder. September 18, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Foot in the door A Hollywood career beckons James Napier Robertson. September 18, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
GE free or busted Despite scant media attention, eco-activists have been conducting semi-legal campaigns up and down the country. September 4, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Sir Robert Jones In My Experience interview with property magnate and humanities patron. August 28, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Mass market penetration The fifth annual Erotica Adult Lifestyles Expo represents the "tasteful" side of what is a growing domestic industry. August 21, 2004, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Patrick Crewdson)
The spying dame Former MI5 head Stella Rimington was the model for Judi Dench's "M" – she's a shaker not a stirrer, which is why her former employers okayed her new foray into terrorism fiction with At Risk. July 31, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
Safe as houses Cover Story: Our burglary rate is declining, so should you still be worried? July 24, 2004, New Zealand Listener. (Co-credit with Mark Revington)
Islands of Silence Review of Martin Booth's new novel. July 21, 2004, Canvas: New Zealand Herald.
Please don't mess with this sign The unlikely symbiosis between advertisers and those who hijack their campaigns. July 17, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
All about oil Interview with host of upcoming BBC documentary Meet the Stans. July 17, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
The Maxim gun Will a trend towards saturating publications with emails subvert the letter-writing process? June 26, 2004, New Zealand Listener.

The Sprout-like Freelance Years 2002-4 (complete - bar several pieces lost in stuff)

Greg Proops Upfront interview with Whose Line is it Anyway? regular. April 24, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
When the human zoo outgrows new cages The high price of New Zealand's overcrowded prisons. April 17, 2004, Weekend Review: New Zealand Herald.
Guerrillas in our midst "You plant them, we'll pull them," they say of GE crops. But does that make them terrorists who should face long jail sentences? February 14, 2004, New Zealand Listener.
GM troops set for action Where the GE debate will go after the moratorium has been lifted. January 18, 2004, Weekend Review: New Zealand Herald.
John Ralston Saul Upfront profile on Canadian philosopher and author about French water, nuclear power and his book On Equilibrium. June 22, 2002, New Zealand Listener.

Blogs and the student press (selected)

Shut up and listen, an old man is talking Guest editorial on the merits of 1998 and cheaper beer. July 10, 2006, Salient.
Hey brother, can you spare $25,000? A bitter farewell to the blogging, or; why all blogs are shit. April 27, 2005, Fightingtalk.
Number of the Beasts, Blackshirts, fighting and the Big Day Out. March 15, 2005, Fightingtalk.
Clowns and Mirrors, On introspection and small beginnings, PLUS an editorial on being a political sapper. December 13, 2004, Fightingtalk.
I Palin Comparison Transcript of interview with Michael Palin. November 27, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Pilger's Progress Transcript of interview with John Pilger. November 15, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Trash Talkin' Part two of a cunning and soberly concocted rabid-blog-shitfight. October 10, 2004, Fightingtalk.
WANTED: Journalistic protégé to acerbic and elegant New Conservatives spokesman An open letter in reply to media commentator David Cohen. October 3, 2004, Fightingtalk.
If you stand outside and it rains... Testy correspondence and the perils of blogging. September 14, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Young Junkies Rejoice A look at shaken-up student media facing competition from outside. August 10, 2004, Fightingtalk.
The Maori Queen in White Pants A television review: Eating Media Lunch. June 2, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Compromising Values Column on Mediawatch item on the state of student media. May 17, 2004, Fightingtalk, Salient and Critic.
Cracks in the Media Windowpane, Review of the film Shattered Glass. May 2, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Random Chunks from the Bottom of the Barrel Musings on Studs Terkel, death and Greg Proops. April 20, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Big Red is Dead Editorial-obituary for a big cow. April 16, 2004, Salient.
Man of Letters Who is Stephen D Taylor, and why do you have the feeling you know him? April 16, 2004, Fightingtalk.
The dangerous dogs of war, in the wild, wild West Iraq PMCs and the rise of mercenaries. April 13, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Long Live the King Last broadcast interview with historian and author Michael King. April 1, 2004, Fightingtalk, Scoop, and Public Address. (Co-credit with Simon Pound)
Damned Dams and Bloodsports The implications for environmentalism on campaigns that are too successful. March 31, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Welcome to the Human Zoo, Penal policy and a visit to Pare D block. March 28, 2004, Fightingtalk.
Standing Tall on the Low Road, Interview with Whale Rider author Witi Ihimaera on the eve of the Oscars. March 1, 2004, Public Address.

Matt RW2 - Playboy

It is a covert rite of adolescent passage, and also the life’s work of an unapologetic old horn dog. It can be read for literate articles, or gawked at for pixel-perfect crotch shots. Tom Wolfe calls it one of those "one-handed magazines", and yet it has also engaged both sides of the brain for over six decades. It is Playboy.

In December 1953 Hugh Hefner printed 60,000 black and white copies of a magazine that was nearly published under the title Stag. This first issue of Playboy was financed with a loan from Hefner’s mother, a Methodist nurse who wanted her son to be a missionary, and sold-out due to snaps of Marilyn Monroe with nothing on but the radio. That issue now sells on eBay for $7,000 (copies of the January 1955 edition with sexpot Bettie Page as centerfold top the rankings at $17,000).

While it began small and focused on nudie pictures, by November 1972 Playboy was established as a popular literary heavyweight. It had more than 7 million paid subscribers, and published top-rank writers such as Norman Mailer, Jack Kerouac and John Updike.

In 1962 Miles Davis starred in the first of the now-famous “Playboy Interview” series, a regular, in-depth Q&A. The subject choices and timing, while tilting towards Hollywood in recent years, have generally been prescient. Interviews have included Jimmy Hoffa (1963), Jean-Paul Satre (1965), Germaine Greer (1972) and Lech Walsea (1982). Jon Stewart was featured in March 2000, and Alex Hayley got his biography Autobiography of Malcolm X off the ground with a 1963 interview.

It is a common quip that husbands only read Playboy “for the articles.” While this may hold true for the 45 percent of readers who are over 35, the 18 to 35 year-olds are probably reading it for the pictures. Of girls. With big breasts. In the nude. Hefner defends his girly pictures as “tasteful” compared to competitors such as Penthouse who depict explicit sex. Airbrushing women in the pursuit of perfection is also part of the Playboy package, which explains the 1990 case of Pamela Anderson’s disappearing labia.

While Playboy’s pictures may today appear tame, the first issues were unequivocally radical as no one had dared challenge postal obscenity laws before. Hefner is quick to share credit with Alfred C. Kinsey for the sexual revolution. For this social project Kinsey gave his brains, while Hefner brought the porn.

Playboy is inseparable from its owner and publisher, who lives the lifestyle his magazine espouses. Hef, as he is known, is today 78 years-old and lives in a Los Angeles mansion-cum-harem enjoying polygamous relationships with an endless rotation of young blondes. He told Esquire that, "I wake up every day and go to bed every night knowing I’m the luckiest guy on the fucking planet."

And when he wakes he drinks Diet Pepsi for breakfast, prefers working from bed, and wears silk pajamas when he chooses to eventually rise. While no longer running the day-to-day minutiae of Playboy, he retains the title of editor-in-chief and writes cartoon captions and edits the regular Party Jokes page.

The subjects of the magazine’s advertisements and lifestyle features can kindly be called the “finer things” in a man’s life. There’s booze (rum, single-malt scotch, tequila, vodka and beer), cigarettes and cigars, chic male underwear, trucks and motorbikes, and a whole host of in-house merchandise (clothing, books, and even a videogame: Playboy - The Mansion).

Today the magazine is hemmed in by the bawdy and adolescent lad-mags such as Maxim and Stuff on one side, and on the other by XXX pornography on the internet (although Playboy was, in 1994, the first national magazine with a website). Paid circulation has been in steady decline, and today is around 3 million. The editorial director has been changed three times in five years, at the behest of Hef, who maintains ultimate control.

Because of this long oversight by one man, the magazine hasn’t dramatically changed over the past 52 years. Today it reads not as radical, but as a monument to what radical once was. Like the Harley-Davidson featured in its advertisements, Playboy has become an American classic.

What they didn't want you to read

Here's what's been causing all the fuss. Kind of an anticlimax, really:

THE STORY THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO READ

5-10% FEE RISE!

SH*TF*CK!

by Salient staff reporters

Leaked documents reveal that Vic students are in for a massive increase in fees in 2006, with the University considering 5-10% across-the-board fee rises.

At the time of writing, the University has threatened legal action to stop Salient from publishing this information. (So if you're reading this - yay!)

According to the leaked documents, Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh presented four options for fee increases in 2006 (for undergraduate and Honours courses):

1. 5% increase across-the-board

2. 10% increase for Humanities and Education; 5% increase for everyone else

3. 10% increase for Law, Humanities and Education; 5% increase for everyone else

4. 10% increase across-the-board

Under all four options, all postgraduate fees will increase by $500 per Equivalent Full-Time Student (EFTS).

In the documents, Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh justified the increase by saying that the "real levels of government funding continue to decline", and that the University's other major revenue source, student fees, is also expected to be reduced.

In particular, international EFTS has dropped by 10% in 2005, costing Vic an estimated $2m per year. Although the general decline in the number of international students has not hit Vic as hard as some of the other universities, the effect of the decline is expected to compound over the next few years as the lower number of students progress through to second- and third-year, etc.

International student fees generated $37m in revenue for Vic in 2005.

Vic is currently projected to run a $7.8m surplus in 2005, or 3.5% of its total revenue - above the Tertiary Advisory Monitoring Unit's guideline that it is prudent to run a surplus of 3%.

Despite the current surplus, the document says that unavoidable IT and library costs may add up to as much as $2.4m, with staff pay rise and promotion increases adding up to an extra $6.7m. Meanwhile, revenue is only projected to increase by $4.4m. The document concludes that continuing to achieve the necessary 3% surplus without "substantial redundancies" would be a "testing challenge".

There are also concerns that the level of fees is connected to the prestige of the university. One of the Deans says that the "level of fees implies that VUW offers a lower quality product in comparison with other universities. The fee level is not commensurate with the quality of the [Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences] teaching and research programmes."

Though any fee increases above the 5% limit imposed by the Fee Maxima scheme requires special exemption from the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC), a 10% increase would still leave Vic's fees on the low-end for Humanities, mid-range in Law, Science and Architecture & Design, but on the high-end for Commerce when compared with other universities in New Zealand.

A 10% increase will cost full-time undergraduate and Honours students $300-400 per year, and full-time postgraduate students $500 per year.

VUWSA President Jeremy Greenbrook has condemned the proposals, calling it "unjustified and plain greedy". He says the University has been increasing its surpluses over the past few years and "always" underestimates the student and revenue figures.

Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh has refused to comment on the proposals contained in the documents, saying that the documents were "provided in the public excluded business of the Finance Committee, and which the full Council has not yet seen ... casual acceptance that confidentiality can be routinely breached would make effective governance and management of the University impossible. It is utterly inconsistent with the statutory responsibilities of any member of Council, let alone my responsibilities as Vice-Chancellor."

"Salient has no right to publish information that it is not entitled to have in its possession," says Walsh, "and the University will take appropriate action to protect the integrity of its governance processes."

Vic's move follows Massey University's recent decision to ask TEC for an exemption to raise fees by 10%. Such an exemption is only given under "exceptional" circumstances. The education provider has to prove that the cost of the course is not covered by the income generated, the course could not be cross-subsidised from an overall surplus and that raising fees would impact on the ability of the university to meet the government's tertiary education strategy.

TEC Policy Manager James Turner says the university would have to be in "financial shit, basically" to have an exemption granted. That Vic already had low fees was irrelevant, and the TEC board would closely analyse the increasing costs. There was also a requirement for students to be consulted about any fee increases and students' associations could make submissions to the TEC, he says.

Salient Victorious?

I hear good news might be on the way. A settlement has been reached and Salient is due for unadulterated release.

Sounds like a TKO for the little guys...

...But there still seems to be some shenanigans going on. The media arrived to film the glorious emancipation, but University authorities had mysteriously vanished and turned their phones off. It seems no one remaining at the university knows where the seized magazines are.

Victoria looks to be delaying the inevitable. Terri Schiavo died with more dignity. (Note, this comparison originally read more lyrically, and less correctly: "Terra Schwab died with more dignity." Ahem.)

UPDATE: And they're in. Salient delivered to overjoyed staff at 17:17, Wellington time.

And here's the statement issued in relation to the settlement:

Joint Statement by Vice-Chancellor and VOWS/Salient

Professor Pat Walsh, Vice-Chancellor of Victoria University of Wellington ("prop. Walsh"), The Victoria University of Wellington Students' Association("VOWS") and the editorial staff of Salient newspaper("Salient") are pleased to record that the issues between them which led the Vice-Chancellor to obtain an injunction in relation to the publication of certain confidential information have now been resolved.

The parties have agreed that:

The confidential documents leaked to VOWS and Salient will forthwith be returned by VOWS/Salient to prof. Walsh and all copies destroyed;

The interim injunction obtained by prop. Walsh in relation to the publication of the Salient edition of 3 October may be discharged and costs will lie where they fall;

The 3 October edition of Salient may be distributed;

All parties look forward to continuation of positive working relationships.

Beyond this statement, none of the parties (prof. Walsh, VOWS and Salient) will be making any further comment to the media about the Court proceedings CHIP 2005 485 2038